Transforming relationships

If our relationships are not working we must recognise that we can’t change the other person. They are only a mirror of an aspect of us, so naturally we have to change ourselves. Then the reflection changes. First we must stop expecting others to meet our needs. We are responsible for our own happiness, our own independence and sense of security. Expecting someone else to be responsible creates a co-dependent relationship.

When we fall in love or first enjoy a friendship, we see the best in the other person and, of course, they respond to this. However, when niggles and less attractive behaviours arise, we tend to focus on those and they soon grow out of proportion. We can re-balance by consciously seeking the good aspects.

People tend to be very intuitive and pick up the thoughts and feelings we send out and they respond to them. If you were to say what you constantly think when you are cross with someone, you would expect them to react exactly as they are doing.

Your friend or partner will be giving you clues about his or her feelings. However, if you don’t listen and respond, you will miss the opportunity and allow the rift to grow wider. So what can you do?

The greatest healings take place when we listen to the other person. Sit and hear what they say to you without interruption or judgement, really trying to understand their reality. Then really accept and validate them.

Exercise

Listen to someone today with your full attention, in an effort to understand them, without judgement or interruption. Record what you learn and how you feel. Note any changes you notice in the relationship.